What Games Mean To Me

xXBChaceXx

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What Games Mean To Me

Hello, everyone! Bchace here… and I hope you’re all having an awesome week. Alright, let’s get to it then…

            Prepare for some ‘feels tonight, my friends. This is where it gets personal.

            Video Games. Bet you could’ve guessed the topic. But, more importantly, the significance of video games within an individual basis. We all have those things, whether they be materialistic or otherwise, that mean the world to us. Sports, for some, music for those so inclined. As for me? Video games have always had a special place in my heart, despite it being deemed unpopular on some friends and family (not mentioning any names.) ‘You can’t bring me down,’ lyrics from Hollywood Priniciple’s Seeing What’s Next, they’re certainly resonating with me tonight. (Went off track a bit, sorry! Just thought I’d share…) That shaming and ridicule has only furthered my passion as a player/creator of games and interactive media.

            As you may or may not be aware, I’ve been gaming since I was two years old, ‘Gaming since ‘93’ and it’s hard to believe it. A whole twenty-two years of stomping on Goombas, blasting baddies, and limitless adventures (now I’m reminded that I'm five years away from being thirty!) I can’t even being to fathom where all that time went.

Anywho…

Games weren’t just something fun for me growing up. They were my ‘Happy Place’ (Cue Carl Weather’s as Chubs) and an absolute escape from my day-to-day stresses. They were a way to cope with a lot that I went through as a child, teenager, and young adult. Things that I just wasn’t able to face alone. Just ‘talking about it’ didn’t cut it. There is only so much you can say. Words… such poultry things, fleeting, simply put: Words just miss their mark at times. Hugs feel empty, especially when you feel like you cannot feel any lower than you already feel. (I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, for that matter.)

Two instances that have stuck with me… where video games saved my life and helped with my internal anguish, first and foremost- My parent’s divorce. Being only thirteen years old when it happened, it took me by complete surprise. Nothing resonated with me. Why is Dad leaving? Was it my fault? And then you tell yourself, it IS your fault. I grew up around a lot of happy marriages, and I had no idea as a young teen that my parent’s marriage was crumbling beneath the seams. It was heart-breaking. It was so seldom that I saw my father previously, and, at the time, I thought I was never going to see him again. There was no understanding that it was the RIGHT move on both their parts. The only thing that ran through my mind was that I was losing my Mom and Dad.

After my Dad moved out, it was just Mom, Nathan (my younger brother), and myself. High School was tough enough for me, being an awkward kid who had trouble making friends. I was teased relentlessly, by even a few individuals who called themselves (friends). Can’t tell you how many ‘almost’ fights I had. I never thought I could feel so low. I was ridiculed, called a ‘faggot’, pushed, punched, groped. It was awful… and I never had the courage to tell anyone, nor the strength to solve my own problems. With my mother and father focused on their divorce, and moving forward within their own lives, I felt like an after-thought, despite all the love they tried to give me. I never contemplated suicide, but, the more and more I thought about it, the sweeter it sounded. I thought about how I’d do it… who I’d tell prior, say my goodbyes on a somber note.

With all of this going on, my grandmother, Janice Monte, had been making trips to-and-from Mass General in Boston for chemo. She HAD breast cancer years prior. Much to the surprise of my entire family, she was then diagnosed with uterine cancer, which metastasized to nearby organs. Hearing this news, with everything else weighing down on me, it killed me.

I don’t think anyone I know (personally) to this day had a close relationship with their grandmother... like I did with my mine. She helped raised me. Almost EVERY weekend I was there with her, my grandfather, and my awesome uncle Billy. Her and I… we were gamers. We adventured through Norrath together in Champions, and we had the BEST farm in town in Harvest Moon. Before her traumatic diagnosis, almost every weekend, two or three new games I would rent to play. Hollywood Video. It helped her forget her diagnosis, and it helped me forget everything at school that had brought me down. It bonded her and I together, even more so than before.

Weeks and months went by, and her condition worsened. She lost weight, her hair, and slowly and steadily, her happiness. The cancer drained her of everything that she once was. As her conditioned worsened, she couldn’t even lift a controller anymore, or even her crochet, two of the many things she enjoyed. Then, one day, I heard my name called over the intercom. I was already having one of my terrible days at school. My aunt Margie picked me up and brought me to my grandmother’s house.

I said my goodbyes, and swallowed my tears…

She died a few hours later. I distinctively remember slumping against a wall, still in shock, and unable to cry. The pain overwhelmed each and every one of my senses. I couldn’t think, and could barely breath… I just wanted her back.

… This is becoming more and more difficult to continue. But, I want to lead on with this…

Video games are so much more to me than just a form of entertainment medium, an interactive media that stimulates the brain and creates dopamine to further increase happiness, therefore, keeping you addicted to said game to lengthen play-time, and steer you to buying the eventual DLC down the road. Yes, I know psychology, and yes, I understand the business practices surrounding current-gen games. Currently, I don’t care about the logistics, but the sheer immersion you get…

Fighting dragons… in Elder Scrolls…

Pushing back the Darkness… in Destiny…

Raiding tombs… as Lara Croft…

Shooting down star-ships… in Star Wars…

Scoring an AMAZING goal… in Rocket League…

These are all things that, for me at least, takes me out of my day-to-day life. It’s a remarkable escape that cannot be compared, where my skills as a human are taken to new heights. They say that a gamer lives not only one life…

But many.

Video games gave me what little happiness I could get… when my life felt like it was crumbling. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for all the developers that have, and continue to make remarkable experiences… unforgettable worlds… that help people, like me, cope with their depression... and lead happier lives.

Feel free to share your stories, and what games mean to YOU in the comments below.

Until next time…

Game on, guys! Controllers up…

-Brian